The posse.

Many of you may not know this but Carter was part of a posse. I have been very blessed that all my kids have cousins that are the same age as them. Tonight I am hanging out with 2 members of that posse and even with how late Boston has decided to keep us up I have been enjoying them so much.
When Carter passed away I thought that it would be very hard to be around these boys especially in the first few weeks. I think it might be safe to assume that their moms may have wondered the same thing. However after the investigation was over on Sept. 18 and we left the apartment and headed to my moms house where many of my siblings were there waiting for us, I was nervous because I knew at least one of the boys would be there, however when Shauns walked out with Fischer (My trout the strong and silent type)
I realized all I wanted to do was hold that little boy and give him all the love I could.
Now I won't lie I see other babies that would be Carters age and I get bitter, I hear people complain about bills for their babies or how their baby won't sleep or cries a lot, now I understand that to them these are big problems and honestly I am glad that they don't have to go through what I am going through but still I get EXTREMELY bitter because I would do anything to have my baby stay up all night with me and cry, I would LOVE to have the only bills I have for Carter be the ones from his birth and I would love to just walk through a store holding my Carter. (my Boss the happy go lucky type )
The nice thing though is that this bitterness doesn't creep in where my nieces and nephews are involved.Weird? Maybe, but I love to be with these kids maybe because in my family it really is one of those it takes a village to raise your kids and we all help each other so while these boys aren't my baby, they are my Tracers, my Boss, and my Trout.

(My Tracers the leader)

And while I am sure that as time goes by and milestones are reached it may be hard for me to not be sad but I am also very excited that these boys parents are so willing to let me be a part of there lives.