I Believe

     I joined an online support group, one for mothers and fathers of SIDS babies. I felt this was the best way for me to be able to get how I felt out there and have people understand what I'm saying not only because they have had similar situations but because my crying does not affect my typing as much as it does my speech.
     I joined one of the discussions the other day where we were all venting about the things that it was hard to hear people say, when it took a turn for the worse. A few women decided to let us all know that God is cruel that is why he took our babies from us. It started with just one woman but a few others joined in, I quickly left this discussion it just didn't feel right. I thought at first I just needed to leave the support group because it was making me feel worse because of this discussion and then as I thought about it, it was not the support group that was making me upset, it was that this person who had gone through a similar situation as me and I had become close to was telling me that the things I have been taught were wrong (yes she was a mormon also) So I decided if there was ever a time to decide what I believed now was it. So I thought and I prayed and I cried because it is very easy to say "This is what I have been taught" but not as easy to say "I Believe" it was a faith tester for sure. I would now like to share with you a few of the things that in these past days I have come to know that I Believe.

I BELIEVE that my baby died from SIDS plain and simple.

I BELIEVE that the first person to welcome Carter into heaven was my Heavenly Father I think he welcomed him with open arms and tears in his eyes, happy to have another child return home safely to him but also heartbroken to know how many of his other earthly children were saddened by the passing of Carter.

I BELIEVE that I will be able to raise my son! It will not be on this earth but I know that I will get to raise Carter the same as I am being allowed to raise Braden and James now.

I BELIEVE that my Heavenly Father loves me and knows the pain I am in now while I grieve for my son.

I BELIEVE  that Carter is being watched over by my relatives that passed on before him.

I BELIEVE that because PJ and I were married in the temple that my family is forever and we will all be reunited in Heaven.

I BELIEVE everything does happen for a reason. Doesn't mean I like that it happened and it doesn't make it easier to deal with my pain but I do know that we can learn from our trials.

I BELIEVE God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I don't feel like I can handle this but I'm still here and I am still functioning so something has to be said for that.

I BELIEVE that this is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  Losing a child just sucks there is no other way to put it. But I also BELIEVE that Heavenly Father knew this would be hard for me and so he gave me an amazing husband to lean on and 2 energetic boys to keep me getting out of bed and many family members and friends to help me heal.

I BELIEVE that Carters spirit is constantly with me. Holding me when I need the comfort.

I BELIEVE that Carter knows that I love him. I also BELIEVE that he loves me.

I BELIEVE that God is a kind and loving Father and I know that he has prepared a way for me to be with my baby again.






*These are my beliefs you may agree and you may not but this is what I BELIEVE.